quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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