my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
