i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
