..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I looked at my own cervix.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Randomize
