the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
Randomize
