You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
