I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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