Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
