i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
This is my gift to your gina
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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