Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
