Skip Greektown and come to Geektown. I just want to cuddle.
I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
