ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I FOUND THE LEGS
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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