he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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