i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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