My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
