you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
