Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
