How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
