so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
Randomize
