my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
