Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
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