girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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