I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
