so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
