What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
