I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
