so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
