im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
