Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
