So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Please ignore everything I told you about my girlfriends vagina last night.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
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