nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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