I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
