Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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