remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
