I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
