You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Randomize
