don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Randomize
