I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Randomize
