He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Randomize
