I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
