Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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