Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
