One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
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