i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
