I want to walk on stilts...naked
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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