There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
