My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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