3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
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