im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
