he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Nearly got hit by a blue bell ice cream truck. Can I count on you to make plenty of puns like "her life was sweet, and so was her death" at my funeral if that was to happen?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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